Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Waking From the Dream

The economic crisis hit home for me. At the firm there were rumors of an announcement last week, but it never came. On Monday, two partners swept into my office, and I knew.

I was laid off.

They emphasized that it was not personal, that everyone really liked me and my work product. It makes sense; I was the only first year in the IP group, and because they made cuts across all departments...

I've never lost a job before. If you've read any of these posts you know how I felt about working there; I was living my dream. This felt like being served divorce papers by someone I was in love with: I felt shocked, hurt, lost.

I believe them when they say it wasn't personal, but I still feel ashamed. It's been really hard telling my family and friends; I feel like I have an infectious disease. I didn't realize how much of my self-worth was wrapped up in this job.

The only person I've been feeling sorrier for besides myself is my SO. He has to deal with me and feel all my pain, without any of the autonomy or soothing self-pity. I've tried to spare him from the tears, but I can't pretend to be happy. At times I feel like I'm having a nightmare: everything's horrible and impossible and I can't wake up.

But I'm climbing out of the abyss. I'm gathering the old strings of my network and updating my resume. I know eventually I'll get another job, and the economy will get better, and I'll live my dream again - a new dream. And someday I will look back on this and think, 'What an amazing opportunity I was presented with.'

14 comments:

Maria M. said...

I love you Miss Amy! Hang in there. xoxo

Dave said...

Sorry to hear that. But from what I can tell about you from your writing you will be just fine in the long run.

I always liked this pop culture nugget: "Why do we fall down? So that we can learn to pick ourselves back up." You know where you belong, and you will be more of a badass because of this.

Gabe Macias said...

I'm sorry to hear the news. I know it probably won't matter in the short term but this is an opportunity to find something new and exciting.

Getting laid off back in the dot-com boom from the "best job i've ever had" hurt. But it taught me how to evaluate businesses to see their real potential not just the hype.

Which kinda reminds me of you, Morganstern, mad potential...not just hype. :)

Greg said...

It's certainly nothing to be ashamed of. It's happening all over, and everyone knows it.

While I never personally got laid off hopping through my string of startups during the last boom and bust, I know lots of folks who did. Every one of them eventually ended up in better positions because of it.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear the news too. Thank you for being so honest and sharing it with all of us. I truly believe that faith (in anything promising, not just religion) can get one through the toughest times. I have faith that this blip on your journey will direct you onto an even better path. Hope you can manage to stay positive. Best wishes and good luck.

Micah said...

That stings. I can tell from your posts that you're a hard worker and - more importantly - a strong writer, two key qualities in a good attorney. I've been told - and I believe - that a good attorney will never be out of work for long. Good luck with the hunt.

Shane Robinson said...

Sorry to hear the news. I'm sure the firm will be the one that loses out in the long run.

And I'm now sure if it makes you feel any better, but we graduated at the same time, and I'm yet to even find a job (in Seattle).

Good Luck, and enjoy the F-unemployment.

Anonymous said...

wow, I'm shocked. Thanks for letting the world know about it... shame on the firm for getting your hopes up and not being able to stick to a budget.
-longtime blog reader.

misgatos said...

Damnit.

I've always been of the opinion that your firm lucked out by hiring you in the first place. They're the ones whose luck has run out (though I know it doesn't feel that way to you at the moment).

Let me know when you want to meet up for some Makers and pool. I'm around, and well, I'm just studying, you know?

Jeanne said...

I'm sorry - that really really sucks! I was laid off in 2003 from my first "real job" after college and it was so, so hard and awful at the time but looking back on it, I am in a better place now. I hope you can say the same soon.

Sansserif said...

Thanks for these comments...every one of them made me feel better. I really appreciate all the kindness and encouragement. And I'll be back in action soon enough!

Eric Goldman said...

Ugh. I'm so sorry to hear the bad news. However, this is a very classy post in a sad situation. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. Eric.

Jim said...

Hang in there. There will always be a job for a bright person such as yourself. At least you don't have to commute to Menlo Park anymore.

Matt said...

Sorry to hear about this. Good luck as you move forward, I'm sure that someone as smart and talented as you are is going to land on her feet in no time.