Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Grade Fever

One week till school starts again. I've been focusing hard on living in the present and not dreading it. What's the point of fearing it? Can't stop it.

Grades, on the other hand, can be feared. There's nothing I can do to change them of course, but maybe next semester I'll remember this fear and let it motivate me. Yeah, right.

It's a strange mix of emotions waiting for grades to get posted. I'm terrified of disappointment, and therefore I'm relieved they're not posted yet. On the other hand, the unknowing is torture. Last year I thought it was bullshit, how long they take to get the grades up. But now I'm wiser: why let it ruin your break? I know I didn't do terribly, but let's be real - I've never gotten straight A's in law school, and that's the only way I'd be satisfied.

Fear is kind of self-indulgent, now that I think about it. I punish myself by being afraid, to atone for failing to be perfect.


Lawyerlike said...

I sorta know what you mean - by all accounts, my grades should be meaningless now that I have a job set up for next fall, but I'd be lying if I said they didn't feel more important than ever.

Bzzzzz said...

I tend to deal with the waiting with alcohol - lots of it.

The lousy part is that first assignments are posted. It's hard to read copyright wasted.